I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
