Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
