Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We are two peas in an std pod
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When are your genitals available?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
