I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
