Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
