You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
