I think i sorta joined a cult last night
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can I color on your dick again?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
