Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We need a shit load of segways right now
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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