Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
