Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
