My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
