I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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