his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
