i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
