PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
