awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
