I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
