Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
