Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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