I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
