its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
