Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
