Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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