she woke up with a sticky ear
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
