you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Bring me that man meat
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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