hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
