Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
