Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
