I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
