picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
