And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
