So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
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Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
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My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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