and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
