there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
