Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
