Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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