Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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