Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
