When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
