is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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