I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He kissed a someone with a penis
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
