whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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