im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.