you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
