bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
