its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
