She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize