Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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