areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
