Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My feet surprised me
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