the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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