Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize