im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When are your genitals available?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
