she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
