I just cut my nipple shaving
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
