As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
