I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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