The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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