i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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