dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
