At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
