Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
