a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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