she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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