Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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