I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
