is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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