My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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