Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
